Saturday, January 19, 2013

A Woman's Eye Car(riage) Review


On the 200th Anniversary (or thereabouts) of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice we present:

1813-A Woman’s Eye Car(riage) Review (the very first one)

A gentlewoman’s  appraisal of our most modern form of transportation: the post-chaise carriage (Two Horse Power)


Oh how wondrous this most elegant of carriages, and how vast the view from my seat. I am speaking, of course, of the vista outside of my newly fashioned glass windows, dear reader, and not the girth of my companion.

The suspension exceeds that of my expectations, and makes provision for unfortunate undulations in the road. I am, however, sorely afraid of the braking mechanism, which only becomes apparent when our steeds come to rest.

We have now become accustomed to our newly installed airbags (side and front) which take the ominous shape of Mr Whyndham (side airbag) and the generous dimensions of Fanny, my maidservant (front airbag).  It would cause me much consternation to be rudely dismissed from my seat at speed, to land on my dear Fanny, but we must make provision for such unfortunate occasions.

I have previously made an error in judgement with the accelerator. I did put my foot down and, much to my amazement, the unsightly article broke. James, the footman, has assured me that new whips may be purchased at a small shop in Soho, where, it is said, many similar items of delicate leather may also be inspected and acquired.

Acceleration does not appear to pose any challenges to our valiant horses, Muffy and Bingo, and very few exhaust fumes are experienced, dependent upon time and type of foodstuff. I have pleaded with James not to provide cabbages as nourishment for them as the repercussions are pungent and undesirable. We must think of the environment at all times.

The bonnet is sleek and shiny, and looks particularly splendid attached below my chin, with my new fine ribbons. The carriage chassis affords an opportunity to embellish our ride with all manner of fun and exceptional items. I have heard word of a small company in the South of England furnishing items of interest to women of all repute that may ameliorate our travelling tribulations (Me-Mo is its name).

Dear Reader, I leave you now with promises of plentiful carriage reviews to follow. For the moment, needs be I return to Snodbury Manor, at full tilt of two horse power, as the potholes in the road are making me quite flushed and exhausted (not to mention a trifle excited). Home James-and don’t spare the horses.


Ruthie rode the 1813 version of the 2 horse drawn Post Chaise Carriage (GTi-Get Thee intoxicated before entering)


Colour Options: Brown, Muddy Brown, Dark Brown, Very Muddy Brown, Exceptionally Muddy Brown (with a speckle of horse manure)


0-60 in: Oh-about 6 weeks

Price: 100 guineas (or 50 pigs and a sack of potatoes)


NCAP safety rating: Yeah, right!

 

A Me-Mo Car Review 



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